Our Willow Tree

Tomorrow I have an appointment in Portland with the neurologist as a follow-up to the 24 hour EEG we did with Josie 3 weeks ago....Her seizures have been coming more freguently and seem to be more severe....her tremoring is stronger and it takes a bit longer for her to get her breath....and the preverbial straw that broke the camel's back was a week ago Thursday when Landonn had the very same episode...so, here my pediatrition is saying these have been just breath holding spells and Josie will grow out of them so why on earth is Landonn having one at the age of 3 which seems to me that he is growing into them......Jenn went right to the internet and printed out lots of info on epilepsy and seizures....I am getting to a bit of a desperate point because nobody (and by "nobody" I am referring to medical professionals) seems to understand or believe what I am trying to describe....we (Jenn and I) have done quite a bit of reading and there is one seizure disorder that describes from start to finish what Josie has been experiencing....I feel as though none of the doctors that I have spoken to give me any credit....they don't understand the firsthand knowledge that I have when it comes to strokes/seizures....I hope that tomorrow I can be clear and concise because as of Nov 4th it will have been a year and I am ready to see the light at the end of the tunnel....I know God will give me the strength for whatever is the problem, I just need to know exactly the problem is....

I am given strength every day when I am looking at my children and their development is right on schedule, they are both very smart and coordinated....they articulate and eat well....I just don't know what causes these weird seizures....

For those of you who know me really well you all know how much I love the sort of weather that is windy with a little bit of rain, and I mean a strong, gusty wind that takes your breath away at times and the air is heavy and almost cold, not warm but not really cold either...we were having that sort of weather last Saturday....Josie had a really bad seizure in the tub that night and it scared the bejeebers out of me....once I got everyone safely to bed, I went and sat out on our back porch and just stewed over the past year.....I cried a little and was just silent and still a very long time....we have the most beautiful willow tree in our yard and Josie' s swing hangs from one of it's branches and it was amazing to me to see that no matter how strong a gust of wind would be, that swing just swung gently and smoothly, never out of control....I found that willow tree very symbolic of what we do as parents....life goes on all around us and we let the winds of life push us around and take our breath away at times but through it all, we try to not let our kids see the tumult and just let them swing safely, untouched for as long as possible....that willow tree took care of the wind and let that swing stay safe, we had a few branches in our yard the next morning but all we had to do was wipe out a little bit of water out of the seat of the swing and Josie had a great time swinging...I pray that as this storm rages on around my little family, that God will give me the wisdom and guidance to make decisions that will allow my kids to have many more years of happy safe swinging....

Ok, so that was a little deep and I apologize for the wandering thought process but it feels great to let it out....this time is here for a purpose and I hope that we soon find out reasons...

Pray for the right words for me tomorrow, I don't want to get emotional or irrational but so help me if one more doc says "well, let's just give it some time" someone may get the call to come with cash.....hehehehehehe....

Luv to all...

Oh yeah....we have temporarily disconnected our house phone and internet so my updates will be sporadic....

Luv my